Ties with Family (Abdullah Cheng)
2024.06.28 Khutbah 主麻講稿 (Abdullah Cheng 鄭平)
家族關係 Ties with Family
Dear brothers and sisters,
The importance of family values is highly emphasized in Islam, and being good to our family members is one of the duties and requirements of a Mu'min. And this was even since the early days of Islam, when the Prophet (SAW) was asked about what he was preaching, he replied: “I have been sent to join the ties of relationship, to break the Idols, and to proclaim the oneness of Allah and that nothing is to be associated with Him.” (Sahih Muslim 832)
This is during the time when there were no 5 daily prayers, no fasting, no Hajj, no Zakat, which shows how prioritized family values are in Islam.
In today's society, people don't emphasize family values as much as how it used to be in the past, and this is slowly impacting not only the ties between family members but also the society as a whole.
Nowadays, a lot of people are even questioning: why should I be good to my parents? I didn't choose them, they chose to have me. Why should I be good to my siblings? I didn't choose to be their friends, they are just my siblings. Why should I get married? I can live on my own and be happy, or I can just get a boyfriend or girlfriend, and if I am not satisfied, I can just break up and find someone else. Why do I need a child? I can just adopt one or even just a pet, I don't want my child to suffer in this world.
This is what happens if we don't have a clear standard, a solid understanding of the importance of family values as well as understanding the message of Islam. We are slowly losing the sense of responsibility towards our family members, and this is causing a lot of hidden problems in our society, even though it might seem like everybody is happy and everything is fine on the surface.
When some people are having quarrels and conflicts with their family members, when they are not satisfied with their family members, they try to put the blame on anything else but themselves. The reality is, Allah has purposely chosen our family members for us.
لِّلَّهِ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَاءُ ۚ يَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ إِنَاثًا وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ الذُّكُورَ
“To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives daughters to whom He wills, and He gives sons to whom He wills.” (Quran 42:49)
أَوْ يُزَوِّجُهُمْ ذُكْرَانًا وَإِنَاثًا ۖ وَيَجْعَلُ مَن يَشَاءُ عَقِيمًا ۚ إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ قَدِيرٌ
“Or He gives them both sons and daughters, and He makes whoever He wills barren. Indeed, He is All-Knowing and All-Powerful.” (Quran 42:50)
If the decision of choosing family members is in our hands, then what is going to happen? Everyone would have chosen according to their own desires, and this would have caused disasters and chaos in the entire world, because we don't actually know what is best for us. But Allah knows, and He has chosen our family members for us, and it is the best option for us, in order to test us, to see how we treat them, and see if we fulfill our responsibilities towards them.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.” (Tirmidhi)
Taking our children as examples, we cannot decide what kind of person they will become in the future eventually, but we can set for them a righteous example by fulfilling our own responsibilities and not neglecting the time we spend with them. Otherwise, instead of spending time and absorbing the good values and examples from their parents, they will start to look for a third parent, which is the Internet, social media, filled with random people teaching them how to live their lives and what kind of person they should become.
As Muslims, we should understand one very important principle, which is that prevention is better than cure. We don't wait until we get cancer and then start taking care of our health, we should be taking care of our health from the beginning so that we don't even get cancer in the first place. Similarly, when these issues arise in our families, especially with our young children, if you come to the masjid many years later and ask the Imam, my child is getting married to a non-Muslim, my child doesn't want to come to the masjid, my child doesn't want to pray, if you are only realizing these issues now, it's already too late.
ثُمَّ لَتُسْأَلُنَّ يَوْمَئِذٍ عَنِ النَّعِيمِ
Allah is going to question us all the favors He has given us (102:8), and ask us how we have fulfilled the duties we were given. The time we were given, the money we were given, how did we spend them on our families? So my dear brothers and sisters, think clearly, which direction we are bringing our families to, and make sure that we have fulfilled our roles in our family.
May Allah protect us from the temptations of this world, may Allah protect us from the punishment of the Hellfire, and may Allah reunite us with our families and our loved ones in Jannah.