Perfecting good manners （Abdullah Cheng )
Dear brothers and sisters,
Our Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith:
إِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ لِأُتَمِّمَ صَالِحَ الأَخْلاقِ
“I was sent to perfect good manners.” [Al-Muwatta 1614]
The manners of a person only come into play when there is an interaction with other people, either in the form of talking, words, or actions. In Islam, there is a set of boundaries regarding how our manners should be and how we should behave around others, and the Qur’an and Sunnah especially emphasize manners when it comes to our own fellow Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam.
Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:
وَٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَآءُ بَعْضٍۢ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّهُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ
The believers, both men and women, are guardians of one another. They encourage good and forbid evil, establish prayer and pay Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is they who will be shown Allah’s mercy. Surely Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. [9:71]
To be a ‘wali’ (guardian, protector, helper) of one another means that there are certain rights that each Muslim has over another Muslim. These rights are beautifully summarized into 6 points by our Prophet (SAW). He said:
“There are 6 rights of a Muslim over another Muslim:
When you meet him, offer him greetings;
When he invites you to a feast, accept it;
When he seeks your advice, give him;
When he sneezes and says ‘Alhamdulillah’, say ‘Yarhamuk Allah’;
When he becomes sick, visit him;
When he dies, follow his funeral.”
[Sahih Muslim 2162]
Sometimes we may think that when we are acting upon these actions, we are doing a favor to others, but in reality, these are the rights that other Muslims have over us. Instead of thinking of them as favors, we should treat them as obligations, and in fact we are the ones who benefit from that.
The Prophet (SAW) said:
لا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Sahih Bukhari 13]
When we look at the 6 points that the Prophet (SAW) mentioned, the first one tells us to offer greetings and say Salaam when we meet another Muslim. Even though this phrase 'Assalamu alaikum' (peace be upon you) is a simple phrase, but there are certain responsibilities that come along with it. When we say Salaam to someone, we are in fact making a Du’a for them, to pray to Allah to always be with them and protect them, to pray for them that they are always in peace and happy, to pray for them that no evil and harm should touch them, and at the same time, we ourselves make sure that we don’t also harm them in any way, the same way we would want to be treated with respect and dignity.
That is why when we are greeted with Salaam, we should respond with a better greeting or at least the same.This is even mentioned in the Qur'an, where Allah (SWT) says:
وَإِذَا حُيِّيتُم بِتَحِيَّةٍۢ فَحَيُّوا۟ بِأَحْسَنَ مِنْهَآ أَوْ رُدُّوهَآ
"When you are greeted with a greeting, return it with a better one or at least return it equally." [4:86]
If someone says ‘Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah’, then we are not supposed to only say ‘Waalaikumussalam’ back, but at least ‘Waalaikumussalam wa Rahmatullah’ or ‘Waalaikumussalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh’.
Another important aspect of bearing good manners and interacting with others, especially within the Muslim community, is the privacy of conversations. Our Prophet (SAW) said:
إِذَا حَدَّثَ الرَّجُلُ بِالْحَدِيثِ ثُمَّ الْتَفَتَ فَهِيَ أَمَانَةٌ
When a man tells something and then leaves, it is an Amanah (trust). [Sunan Abi Dawud 4868]
This means that whenever there is a conversation between two people, whatever is mentioned during the conversation should automatically be trusted with each other and shouldn’t be shared with others publicly. Even if the person didn’t say ‘This is a secret’ or ‘Don’t tell anybody about this’, the personal information shared during the conversation should remain private, and it is a trust for us to keep it to ourselves unless there is a need or if we know that it is something already known to people. If a person talks about his marriage, his money, his children, then we are not supposed to spread it around and tell everyone what happened to his personal life.
This concept was well understood among the Companions. When Umar wanted to offer his daughter Hafsah for marriage, he first went to Uthman, and Uthman said “I shall think over this matter”, but after a few days, Uthman told Umar that he shall not marry at this point. Then Umar went to Abu Bakr and offer him, but he also didn’t give any reply. A few days later, the Prophet (SAW) proposed to Hafsah and married her. Afterward, Abu Bakr met Umar and told him: “Perhaps you were angry with me when you offered Hafsah to me and I didn’t say anything?” And Umar said: “Yes”. Then Abu Bakr said: “Nothing stopped me from responding to your offer except that I knew that the Prophet (SAW) had mentioned her, and I couldn’t disclose the secret of the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” [Sahih Bukhari]
Simply because the Prophet (SAW) had mentioned about this matter before, both Abu Bakr and Uthman (RA) understood that this was a piece of private information without the need for the Prophet to explicitly say that this was a secret., so instead of telling Umar that ‘Sorry, I cannot marry, because the Prophet (SAW) said he wants to marry’, they simply remained silent. And this, is part of the etiquette and manners that a Mu’min should bear during their conversations.
May Allah strengthen the bond between Muslims around the world, may Allah help us perfect our manners and forgive our mistakes, and may Allah make us among those who fulfill their obligrations.
Our Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith:
إِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ لِأُتَمِّمَ صَالِحَ الأَخْلاقِ
“I was sent to perfect good manners.” [Al-Muwatta 1614]
The manners of a person only come into play when there is an interaction with other people, either in the form of talking, words, or actions. In Islam, there is a set of boundaries regarding how our manners should be and how we should behave around others, and the Qur’an and Sunnah especially emphasize manners when it comes to our own fellow Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam.
Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:
وَٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَآءُ بَعْضٍۢ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّهُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ
The believers, both men and women, are guardians of one another. They encourage good and forbid evil, establish prayer and pay Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is they who will be shown Allah’s mercy. Surely Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. [9:71]
To be a ‘wali’ (guardian, protector, helper) of one another means that there are certain rights that each Muslim has over another Muslim. These rights are beautifully summarized into 6 points by our Prophet (SAW). He said:
“There are 6 rights of a Muslim over another Muslim:
When you meet him, offer him greetings;
When he invites you to a feast, accept it;
When he seeks your advice, give him;
When he sneezes and says ‘Alhamdulillah’, say ‘Yarhamuk Allah’;
When he becomes sick, visit him;
When he dies, follow his funeral.”
[Sahih Muslim 2162]
Sometimes we may think that when we are acting upon these actions, we are doing a favor to others, but in reality, these are the rights that other Muslims have over us. Instead of thinking of them as favors, we should treat them as obligations, and in fact we are the ones who benefit from that.
The Prophet (SAW) said:
لا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Sahih Bukhari 13]
When we look at the 6 points that the Prophet (SAW) mentioned, the first one tells us to offer greetings and say Salaam when we meet another Muslim. Even though this phrase 'Assalamu alaikum' (peace be upon you) is a simple phrase, but there are certain responsibilities that come along with it. When we say Salaam to someone, we are in fact making a Du’a for them, to pray to Allah to always be with them and protect them, to pray for them that they are always in peace and happy, to pray for them that no evil and harm should touch them, and at the same time, we ourselves make sure that we don’t also harm them in any way, the same way we would want to be treated with respect and dignity.
That is why when we are greeted with Salaam, we should respond with a better greeting or at least the same.This is even mentioned in the Qur'an, where Allah (SWT) says:
وَإِذَا حُيِّيتُم بِتَحِيَّةٍۢ فَحَيُّوا۟ بِأَحْسَنَ مِنْهَآ أَوْ رُدُّوهَآ
"When you are greeted with a greeting, return it with a better one or at least return it equally." [4:86]
If someone says ‘Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah’, then we are not supposed to only say ‘Waalaikumussalam’ back, but at least ‘Waalaikumussalam wa Rahmatullah’ or ‘Waalaikumussalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh’.
Another important aspect of bearing good manners and interacting with others, especially within the Muslim community, is the privacy of conversations. Our Prophet (SAW) said:
إِذَا حَدَّثَ الرَّجُلُ بِالْحَدِيثِ ثُمَّ الْتَفَتَ فَهِيَ أَمَانَةٌ
When a man tells something and then leaves, it is an Amanah (trust). [Sunan Abi Dawud 4868]
This means that whenever there is a conversation between two people, whatever is mentioned during the conversation should automatically be trusted with each other and shouldn’t be shared with others publicly. Even if the person didn’t say ‘This is a secret’ or ‘Don’t tell anybody about this’, the personal information shared during the conversation should remain private, and it is a trust for us to keep it to ourselves unless there is a need or if we know that it is something already known to people. If a person talks about his marriage, his money, his children, then we are not supposed to spread it around and tell everyone what happened to his personal life.
This concept was well understood among the Companions. When Umar wanted to offer his daughter Hafsah for marriage, he first went to Uthman, and Uthman said “I shall think over this matter”, but after a few days, Uthman told Umar that he shall not marry at this point. Then Umar went to Abu Bakr and offer him, but he also didn’t give any reply. A few days later, the Prophet (SAW) proposed to Hafsah and married her. Afterward, Abu Bakr met Umar and told him: “Perhaps you were angry with me when you offered Hafsah to me and I didn’t say anything?” And Umar said: “Yes”. Then Abu Bakr said: “Nothing stopped me from responding to your offer except that I knew that the Prophet (SAW) had mentioned her, and I couldn’t disclose the secret of the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” [Sahih Bukhari]
Simply because the Prophet (SAW) had mentioned about this matter before, both Abu Bakr and Uthman (RA) understood that this was a piece of private information without the need for the Prophet to explicitly say that this was a secret., so instead of telling Umar that ‘Sorry, I cannot marry, because the Prophet (SAW) said he wants to marry’, they simply remained silent. And this, is part of the etiquette and manners that a Mu’min should bear during their conversations.
May Allah strengthen the bond between Muslims around the world, may Allah help us perfect our manners and forgive our mistakes, and may Allah make us among those who fulfill their obligrations.